The Worst Jobs in the Weird

I’ve been catching up online with the early 2000s UK TV series The Worst Jobs in History. It’s been useful inspiration for coming up with a character’s former job in a fantasy RPG setting. The presenter Tony Robinson tries out the jobs, showing that many had revolting or dangerous aspects that aren’t always obvious. 

I imagine many RPG creators use this or similar sources in compiling lists of background careers for character creation. This is judging by the regularity with which gong farmer turns up anyway. Most lists are rooted in factual examples from history, which inevitably leads to a quite vanilla flavour. Lists often only provide a job’s title, offering little opportunity to embellish on this.

Rubbish jobs are a focus of my game Beggar’s Choice, so I’ve made room for a more imaginative take on what the worst jobs would be in a fantasy setting. Just as technology has failed so far to eliminate real world awful jobs, I’ve supposed that a magical society wouldn’t manage much better. These are system-neutral and intended for any games embracing a touch of the weird. Below are 5 examples from the list of 20 (you can download the full list HERE)

1. Star Counter Ailment: Seeing Stars	"Mapping the cosmic forces takes a keener mind than invoking them”	•  String of beads •  Jar of fireflies •   Fold-out stool
2. Camp Follower Ailment: Scabies	“Press gang my customers, might as well sign my name - least they get booze outta it"	•   15 pairs of socks •   11 arrow heads •    72 eye patches
3. Fang Puller Ailment:  White finger	"Soldiers took my harvest, but the battle should bring a fair crop of teeth"	•    Pliers •    Dented snuff box •    Darling locket
4. Mercury Cooker Ailment: Memory gaps	“They say each drop of quick- silver holds a dozen convict’s thoughts"	•    Keyless manacles •    Metal file •    Tattoo kit
5. Ink Squeezer Ailment: Rust skin	"If I chose what went in the ink, the main ingredients would have less fangs”	•    Ratchet press •    Small trap •    Funnel

I’ve left it up to players to imagine what exactly the jobs involve. Some of them are just a twist on the real world, changing stealing teeth from the dead into fang pulling. Others, like the Star Counter, are meant to imply labour required in the preparation of arcane rituals. I was inspired by Magic: The Gathering cards to include quotes that hopefully flesh things out a little. 

An earlier version of this had public domain art (e.g. below).  I think this helps flesh them out, but the style doesn't fit with my current game so I've kept to just the list.  In the future, I may find an artist to produce bespoke versions.  For those interested, the old versions are HERE.  



In place of the skills your former career sometimes gives you in an RPG, I’ve given your character a starting ailment. A true worst job (like a few I’ve done) doesn’t have much in the way of transferrable skills. On the other hand, doing it for too long will often have negative implications for your health.

In the full download for Beggar’s Choice, I’ve included individual mechanical effects for each ailment (these aren’t system neutral). E.g. pyroshock means you miss a turn in combat when first confronted with fire. I see this as a kind of anti-advancement. You start off slightly worse off than the average Joe due to your ailment. Getting hold of 100 Shillings will pay for it to be cured, bringing you up to average status. This is meant to be an incentive for adventuring, in the way debt is in Electric Bastionland.